Batman v Superman Review

In short, I liked it.

It wasn’t great. I’m not fawning all over it like some of the fanboys out there. But it also wasn’t as terrible as some critics will have you believe.

It was good. Maybe a little better than okay. That’s about it.

There’s a pantheon of great comic book movies – The Winter Soldier, Spider-Man 2, The Dark Knight, The Avengers. This movie falls WAY short of those. There are a number of curious script decisions and some editing and directing failings, and I’m still a little confused about how the actual Batman v Superman happened in the first place.

(All he had to do was explain to Batman about his mom, right? I’m not the only one who realizes that, am I? Or use his super-speed to check every warehouse in the city. He’s Superman! And he had a whole freakin’ HOUR to find her! He found Lois Lane in a freakin’ African desert!)

Anyway, none of it was enough to make me hate the movie.  I was entertained, and the plot was essentially about as convoluted as some of the source material Zack Snyder was drawing on, anyway. So I didn’t really hold any of those failing against it. It is what it is – a movie about two superheros fighting each other under some very strained logic, realizing how dumb that was (about 45 minutes too late), then banding together to defeat the real enemy, a monster whose main power was to overwhelm the viewer with flashy CGI.

(Not so) Strangely enough, it also didn’t aggravate me with its potential. I’ll do that with a lot of movies. I’ll see greatness in them that just wasn’t quite realized, and I’ll rewrite the movie in my head to take advantage of certain beats or moments that I thought were underutilized. A good example is Skyfall, which I thought was a frustratingly good Bond movie that could have been a GREAT Bond movie, almost on par with Casino Royale (one of my favorite movies period). It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, so I’m racking my brain here, but I remember the scene in the second act where Silva had escaped and Bond was chasing him and his henchmen through the tunnels. I wanted to see to some examples of Bond being a bad ass there, moments like the ones in Casino Royale where he bursts through the drywall, or kills the guy while falling down the stairwell. A boring, by-the-numbers gunfight/chase scene could have shown us SO MUCH MORE BOND BADASSERY, but it didn’t. Thus making the movie good, but not great.

But in watching this movie, I felt none of that. I haven’t spent a moment afterward thinking “if only they changed this scene, or did that one differently.” The whole movie was all just… there. It was bright, and pretty, and loud, and Wonder Woman was cool, but nothing about the movie blew me away, and nothing made me think “that was so awesome I need to see it again!” Which probably tells you all you need to know right there.

The more I think about it, thanks to the horrible early reviews, I probably came in with really low expectations, which means I was pleasantly surprised that the movie didn’t suck my life force away for two and a half hours. In fact, the more I think about it, that’s probably a pretty good summary.

“Didn’t suck my life force away for two and a half hours…” – Kris Kramer

DC and WB, feel free to put that on your posters.



Random Thoughts – Feb 2016

Every once in a while I’m going to cheat and put out a blog post of random thoughts. Mostly just little blips or questions that pop into my head as I live my writer-liscious life. This is my way of writing a blog post without actually putting in any real effort or expending unnecessary brain power. None of this stuff is worthy of a regular post, but I’m pretty convinced that someone out there in internetland will find at least one of these things interesting.

Side note… are we done trying to come up with goofy names for the internet that make us sound both witty and crotchety? Internetland, webernet, The Internets, Triple-dub, etc. It’s like we’re stubborn old men refusing to embrace a new technology while also struggling to say a name that’s actually really easy to remember. I cringe when people I respect try to pull this off. It sounds forced, and it’s NEVER funny.

Unless they’re doing it ironically, like I was. Then it’s mildly passable as a joke.

…Consider that your first (of three) Random Thought (© copyright 2016 all right reserved).

I was in Home Depot a few weeks back looking at Home Depot-ish stuff, and had to make use of the restroom facilities. As I go to wash my hands (more on this later) I notice that one of the sinks was broken. I couldn’t help but think “I’m standing in Home Depot. They sell at least a hundred different faucets here. I was JUST looking at some of them three minutes ago. Why is this one broken????” Is there any store in the world, outside of Lowe’s that has LESS of an excuse to have anything not working? Can Randy over in plumbing fixtures not grab a new faucet and swap it out real quick? Or maybe cut down some PVC and replace the pipes? Is it a plumbing thing? The other sinks worked just fine, so I’m assuming this was just a massive PR disaster for Home Depot instead. Good thing I’m the only person who knows about this.

Another ‘side note’ (©)… Randy is a quintessential Home Depot name. It’s a thing. I can totally imagine a Home Depot employee with a questionable haircut and a name tag that says Randy. Or Midge. That’s also in play. Not so much Lowe’s, though. I can’t really explain why. I think it’s the blue color scheme. But yeah, when I think Randy, I think Home Depot. Either that or Randy Meisner from the Eagles.

(RIP Glenn Frey!)

Let’s get this out of the way right up front. I have a day job. I’m not a super-world-famous author making seven figures a year from book sales. Or even six figures a year. Or even… well, we’ll get to how much I make from writing in a future post (foreshadowing!!!) but for now, the point I’m trying to make is that during typical work/business hours, I can be found at an actual place of employment in the Dallas area. I may not enjoy it as much as I do writing, but it pays the bills and keeps all the animals in my house eating food that’s probably FAR above their station in life.

I bring this up (my job, not the animals) because I need to vent about said place of employment. Vent about what, you ask? Well, let’s just say that we’re sticking with a bathroom theme today and there are certain men at my PoE (place of employment…) who DON’T WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER USING THE BATHROOM!

That’s right, you sickos. You’re disgusting, and I know who you are. Rest assured I’m giving you dirty looks and pinching my nose as I walk behind you. And I’m avoiding every doorknob you touch. And if you ever try to shake my hand when I see you out in the halls or in a meeting room, I will be declining your gesture with a firm look of repugnant horror. I might even out you to everyone in the vicinity by sniffing my nose and asking “sink broken, bro?”

How does an adult in a professional work environment not learn to wash their hands after using the restroom? What kind of societal failure leads to that simple lack of civil courtesy? Is that the TRUE sign of the apocalypse??? People just not giving a damn about personal hygiene?

Another side note… Speaking of Apocalypse, I’m not super exicted about the upcoming X-Men movie. I liked First Class, and Days of Future Past wasn’t bad. But for whatever reason, I can’t get excited for this one. And I even REALLY LIKE the new direction these movies are going, especially after X-Men: The Last Stand ruined the original franchise and made me unexplainably angry for about four months in 2006.

Man, that’s a whole other post, too…

Anyway. I like Apocalypse as a villain. I think he’s got great potential, but I’m just not feeling it this time around. There’s a ton of comic book movies I’m excited to see this year (top of the list is Civil War!!!) but Apocalypse isn’t really one of them. We’ll see. Hopefully I’m wrong, because I’ve always kinda liked the X-Men, as evidenced by the X-Men script I wrote to ‘fix’ everything that went wrong with The Last Stand (another post).

Anyway, that’s all for my first Random Thoughts post. It wasn’t quite the ‘ insane stream-of-consciousness rambling’ I thought it might be, which is good, because that’s yet another post I’m saving for the future!